It's Dec. 22, and you're in a ho-ho-whole lotta trouble.
By now, your holiday shopping should have been complete, your gifts wrapped and your holiday itinerary mall-free.
You should be sitting by the Christmas tree, listening to Nat King Cole or watching "It's a Wonderful Life." You should be enjoying a cup of cheer -- or eggnog, provided you're not "egg" or "nog" intolerant.
But you're doing none of these things.
It simply isn't Christmas unless you're spending the last 48 hours of the season filling a lengthy wish list.
You are not alone.
Consumer Reports has projected that more than one-third of Americans -- 35 percent -- hadn't even started their holiday shopping until just a few days ago.
And a new national survey of more than 3,300 parents found that 22 percent of Americans will finish shopping Christmas Eve. That's an increase from three years ago, when 16 percent of respondents admitted they shopped at the last minute.
The survey, conducted by the Dallas-based research firm Decision Analyst Inc., also found that 21 percent of women were among the late shoppers, compared with 24 percent of men, proving procrastination knows no gender.
But fear not.
The Richmond Times-Dispatch has assembled a procrastinator's guide to running the last minute holiday gift gantlet. Because really, we don't want to see you in the gas station convenience store at 11 p.m. Monday with a scented candle and a lottery ticket.
First, a few gift approaches:
Carded
The last minute shopper's best friend may be the gift card, which offers convenience, availability, portability and wiggle room -- requiring the purchaser to have only a vague notion of what the giftee really wants. And depending on where you go, a trip to just one supermarket or drug store could save you a dozen trips to the mall.
According to the National Retail Federation, gift-card spending is expected to reach $26.3 billion this year, up from $18.5 billion in 2005.
The gift card kiosks at Ukrop's Super Markets have a gazillion options, from food to airfare. Red Lobster, JetBlue, Sears, Nordstrom, iTunes, American Express, Toys R Us, Best Buy and, of course, Ukrops are a handful of what's available. Kroger, Walgreens, CVS and Wal-Mart also offer pretty good selections of gift cards.
Of course, the down side is that your intended knows exactly how much Christmas cheer you think she's worth.
Cut and paste
While the survey shows 82 percent of Americans do some or most of their holiday shopping on the Web, online purchases made 24 hours before the Big Day won't make it under the tree ahead of Santa Claus unless you're willing to pay an arm and a leg.
But you can cut out a catalog picture of those Australian sheepskin UGG boots she wants -- and that you plan to order -- and stick it in a card. Consider it a Christmas I.O.U. Ditto with theater or concert tickets purchased online that won't arrive on time but can be attached to a CD or DVD of an artist that you present as a gift Christmas morning.
Say cheese
One of the hot gifts this season are digital picture frames that store downloaded pictures, enabling one frame to feature many photos. There are a wide range of prices to fit every budget, depending on the quality and storage capacity of the frame.
Say it with a certificate
Your search for a more personal gift can be simple and swift with a quick stop at a day spa or salon to pick up a gift certificate for a massage or makeover. The same goes for golf lessons, a cooking class or art class.
WWMSD?
(What Would Martha Stewart Do?)
You shouldn't spend valuable time searching for a small trinket for your neighbors that passes the cheesy test. Just turn to your cupboard and bake something. Milk, eggs, flour and sugar are always around.
Even if you cut your cookies from a tube, a personal note on a festive plate says more than the holiday equivalent of a Happy Meal toy.
. . .
And now, some basic do's and don'ts for last-minute shopping:
DO: Know your limitations.
You've got two days, not two weeks. Certain gifts are off the table and you shouldn't waste time trying to pull them off -- unless you're filthy rich, in which case you've already had your "people" shop for you weeks ago.
DO: Drink heavily.
But make it caffeine and spare the booze until your shopping is done. Alcohol is a depressant that impairs your reasoning abilities and makes you sleepy, but those are two things you don't need 48 hours before C-Day in a minivan on West Broad Street.
DO: Have a battle plan.
It helps to have a specific list and GPS. Call ahead to see if the items are in stock, then map out a route that takes you in a loop to every spot you want to visit, without doubling back.
Circuit City has a "24/24 Pickup Guarantee," good through 4:30 p.m. Christmas Eve. Customers who shop online and choose to pick up at a nearby store are guaranteed their items will be ready in 24 minutes, or they will receive a $24 Circuit City gift card.
If you're not sure of what you want, department stores are the way to go. Places like Macy's, JCPenney, Dillards, Nordstrom, Target, Wal-Mart and Kohl's have wide selections in a variety of areas, from clothing and jewelry to beauty products and electronics.
Drugstores are great for last-second stocking stuffers like cheap candy, toiletries and ice scrapers. If all else fails, do what your mother used to do -- fill up that that puppy with oranges and apples.
DO: Buy things already assembled.
Anyone who has tried to put together a BMX bike or Playmobil castle at 10:30 p.m. on Christmas Eve knows what we're talking about. When little Johnny gets up at 5 a.m. Christmas day and sees you with a wrench, it's all over.
DON'T: Cheap out.
The days for bargains are over -- at least until the day after Christmas, when it's too late. Consumer Reports says 5 percent of Americans will actually wait until after Christmas to finish their shopping, but you do not want to be that 5 percent. Time is money at this stage, and scouring for bargains or discounts is time wasted. Just open your wallet and make like an ATM.
DON'T: Overcompensate.
On the other hand, spending money like George Steinbrenner won't get you off the naughty list in the eyes of a loved one. This especially applies to guys at jewelry stores. While holiday shoppers will spend an average of $763 this season, married men are expected to spend the most money of all shoppers -- an average of $1,041, according to Consumer Reports. But just because you haven't figured her out, don't assume that something ridiculously expensive is going to cover it up. They know, man. They know.
DON'T: Take "no gifts" for an answer.
Another warning for guys, especially married guys. In this case, no doesn't mean no. You know she's getting you something, even if you agreed not to exchange gifts. You don't want to feel like a schmo under the mistletoe.
DON'T: Re-gift.
With time running down, we know it's tempting to take that box of sugar-free chocolates you got from a business client, or the free makeup kit and pink tote you got for that perfume purchase, and wrap it up to present to a B-list friend or relative. Just remember, they're probably shopping in the same places as you.
DON'T: Buy anything work-related.
Special for gals: You don't want a non-stick frying pan, and he doesn't want another tie with reindeer on it, even if you say it's from the kids. Work gifts remind people of working, which is no way to spend Christmas -- unless you're Santa.
Contact Jim Nolan at (804) 649-6061 or jnolan@timesdispatch.com. Staff writer Gregory J. Gilligan contributed to this story.
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